Please make Indians human

No sooner did Johnny Mack and me return from Tim's with black coffees and Canadian Maple doughnuts when I hear ol' Mike Duffy on TV say that Indians weren't humans! Well, he didn't say that exactly but he said they aren't recognized under the Canadian Human Rights Act!

I know some Indians and they seem human enough. More so than politicians. Now I did hunt with one Indian who had some kind of bush mojo-- a few squawks on a birch megaphone and a bull moose, crazier than a Liberal voting for more taxes, is almost sitting in my lap!--but that ain't in-human is it? Just expertise as far as I can see.

Even though Indians ain't protected under the Canadian Human Rights Act, the government sends them money most regular like. I never heard of a cow, goat, pig, or a flock of penguins getting sent so much as a sous (a little bi-lingo just to show I am Canadian!) So if Indians ain't human, who cashes all of those cheques sent to 'em by the government of O Canada? I would think that those cashed cheques abso-completely-lutely guarantees the cashee is indeed a human being and most appropriately belongs to be included in the protections afforded by the Canadian Human Rights Act. (No, I didn't write that last part by myself—I went to school in Canada—but I do have Jewish friends!)

OK, I'm shutting up now. But if Indians ain't human what do I do when I go to Tim's with an Indian? Leave him tied up outside, or pretend he's my guide dog?

It just don't seem right, either way.

I am Canadian and I am obedient!